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  The Jaded Japes of June 2008 Â

So, my little seafood morsels, as noxious November brings grim Saturn and idiot Uranus into their fearsome fracas, you purchase drugs from tram conductors, go to see films you don't really like, or electrocute yourself with faulty communications equipment. You sell your imported jeep and buy a cheap locally made vehicle that runs on aniseed. Foreign people ring in error and burble unintelligibly until you hang up on them.

You will consult with efficiency experts that are so boring you decide to give up work and visit charismatic churches, pretending to speak in tongues. You'll set your alarm for the early hours and get up to go fishing on the day of a terrible storm. Or you'll join the navy to see the world and get seasick on your first voyage. You'll criticise everything that everyone says, because you don't know what you think or believe about anything anymore.

TIPS FOR JADED JUNE:

You will have secret affairs, break into hospitals or institutions to watch the patients or spread rumours about your ghastly siblings. You threaten to bash people that owe you money to make them pay up. You'll get sick or become over-excited because of pressure at work when the Full Moon comes in Sagittarius. You coerce your workers into having sex, or force them to pay you to leave work and go home.

When the Sun slides into your odious sign at the solstice, you sack the staff and force the family to work. You'll spend money on perverse sex with morticians or bogus occultists. By all the gods, alive and dead, what a pickle. Come back at one time or another to learn if you can survive this hideous fate. Ave atque vale.

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