Asperitus Casting Runes...
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- Greetings, you vacuous nonentities of the air sign persuasion. And how is everything in 'la la' land, the beloved place of fatuous fashion and cretinous discussion where you and all the pathetic creatures you speak of as friends dwell happily together? Did you solve the problems of the world this morning or did you decide to wait till after lunch? No, don't answer that! You don't seriously think I wish to engage in dialogue with persons as vapid and superficial as you are! Without further ado, let us proceed to the vile and bitter prognostications paving the way for your unfortunate destiny in odious October.
The month begins with a sense of roiling chaos lurching towards imminent catastrophe as Venus the goddess makes merry hell with underworld Pluto. All the illicit activities of last month are threatening to come unstuck as Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in the sign of Libra while the FULL MOON comes in fiery Aries. Legal matters loom, persons of the foreign persuasion are difficult and efforts will tend to scatter rather than gather. And, little airheads, you can add to this the boiling tensions of mighty Mars the warrior opposing giant Jupiter. These two heavyweights activate a host of hidden enemies and undercover agents as they wrestle from the misery of your solar twelfth house of hidden sorrows to the daylight world of your solar sixth house of work and health. And then there's the matter of Venus the goddess continuing on her journey to make tension with sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward.
Egad, little airheads! For those who wish you well (both of them), it's too horrible to contemplate. You'll have pressures and threats from your crime connections. There'll be financial pressures as you dive so deep to solve one problem that you create a host of others. And, there's the ever-present lurking horror of the refugee ship, bearing the extended family from a secret life in Venezuela. Gadzooks, dear airheads, this is turning into a tragedy of Piscean proportion! It's probably all due to the influence of mysterious Neptune, lurking mistily in the corridors of your sign. My god! Get rid of the creature at once. Have this monstrous sea god and his trident surgically removed and sent to a far quarter of the Zodiac! But, what do I hear the heavenly council say? Such a thing isn't possible! Oh well, you'll just have to put up with it. How sad!
As the Lunar Nodes change sign and the great Sol Invicti conjoins with Mercury and challenges mighty Mars, you may turn to gambling to solve your problems but, with sober Saturn in your solar fifth house, it's likely you'll lose your money and leave yourself worse off. Try it and see if I care! But just as all seems lost, Venus the goddess moves into Libra and your solar ninth house and the NEW MOON comes in the same sign. The solution presents itself in the form of a beautiful foreign person, dripping with university degrees and loaded with family money, the latter made from the practice of animal husbandry in another country. You start an affair. As the great Sol Invicti moves into Scorpio and Mercury goes direct, you travel overseas with your new lover, forge a new identity (the great Sol Invicti squaring Neptune) and throw over your old life (you've been doing a lot of this lately). When mighty Mars moves into Aquarius, you return home as surgeon and nerve specialist with a Swedish accent and enough money to buy a warship and several torpedoes to deal effectively with at least one of your problems. Goodbye, Venezuela! Perhaps one day you'll become the first airhead prime minister of Xenophobia.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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