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GRUESOME GEMINI...	 —Asperitus Signs— Asperitus Speaks Nhill, holy city Aries Asp (March/April) Taurus Asp (April/May) Gemini Asp (May/June) Cancer Asp (June/July) Leo Asp (July/Aug) Virgo Asp (Aug/Sept) Libra Asp (Sept/Oct) Scorpio Asp (Oct/Nov) Sagittarius Asp (Nov/Dec) Capricorn Asp (Dec/Jan) Aquarius Asp (Jan/Feb) Pisces Asp (Feb/Mar)
  The Jaded Japes of July 2008 Â

Ye gods and little fishes but it will be appalling for you in the month of jaundiced July, tiny two-faced ninnies! With marauding Mars in vexatious Virgo, you'll fight with your family, work from home, renovate the house or trip over the tools you leave lying about due to your natural inclination to untidiness.

The New Moon comes in Cancer and you start making soap in the shed at home to drum up some income with a cottage industry. However, due to an accident with these efforts, you slip and fall into the soapy cauldron. You slop about in a sea of suds and bubbles, calling for a family member to effect a rescue. However, the greedy relative that arrives demands a fiscal reward. Gadzooks! A row erupts and old wounds are opened as an ancient family grievance springs back into life. You're forced to make a financial undertaking to procure release, since your family are all greedy and venal. A male relative from Crete, Jordan or Paris slings you to safety but demands a share in the soap business and an exorbitant wages package to boot. You strike a fiscal deal and then give way to primal erotic urges with whoever happens to be nearest.

As the great Sol Invicti rolls into lackwit Leo, a myriad of associates arrive, swooning and swanning about in extravagant garb. There's noisy talk and garish behaviour, as silly persons crash and bash their way about your house. They nail things to the floor or drill holes in the walls. You take a handful of pills and fall asleep, wondering why your friends are such idiots and life is so disappointing. With luck, if you pass out, you'll be rescued by comely folk from the ambulance service and have sex with the siren going.

Click here next time and see if you're in luck. For the nonce, ave, tiny twits!

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