Astrology on the Web - Bitter Aries

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for July 2001
BITTER ARIES...

Hail rambunctious! It's the month of July, when the last of the boring crustaceans and the first of the annoying lions celebrate birthdays! Why isn't it your birthday more often so that you could get more presents, more than anyone else in the world! That way you could force your friends (both of them) to buy things like expensive lambs' wool car-seat covers and a pair of those suave hanging dice to put in your Ferrari, just to begin with. Well, you can add that to the list of innumerable puerile fantasies about how successful, famous and rich you deserve to be while I get on with the July prognostications.

Last month, those phone calls about sex and sheep moved you in a way none of us would be prepared to discuss openly. In addition, the transvestite experience opened new doors for you altogether. As June ends and July begins, Venus the goddess makes a little heavenly mischief with revolutionary Uranus in Aquarius and Lady Moon in simmeringly sexual Scorpio. Having completed the grieving process for your marriage break up of the day before, July 1st sees you out on the town, trying your luck as a cross dresser.

When the FULL MOON comes in Capricorn, bringing a lunar eclipse, you try to entrap your boss into a same-sex liaison in a gay bar, so as to blackmail her/him into giving you a raise. You need the money to pay off all your speeding fines. However, due to crucial changes in the cultural climate that you've failed to appreciate, you end up being sacked and facing charges of sexual harassment (it takes a while for the lawyers to explain this last one).

Though the prospect of a mountain of debt and no job is daunting, with Venus the goddess now in Gemini, you recover your composure sufficiently to start an affair with a bisexual you met in the gay bar where you tried it on with the boss. Then, when Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens and Mercury the messenger meet and move into Cancer and your solar fourth house, you decide to flee to the country with the new love of your life and take a job as a trainee shepherd.

Various changes of name and identity have helped to throw the courts and collection agencies off your trail. When mighty Mars the warrior goes direct in Sagittarius and your solar ninth house on July 19th, you're out there in the wild, embracing bucolic ecstasy among the ovine ones.

When the NEW MOON comes in Cancer, you experience a profound revelation regarding the spiritual nature of the human relationship with sheep. You race back to the rustic dwelling you share with the bisexual lover to tell all. She/he calls you a 'wanker' and heads back to town. You ignore her/his departure and begin to write down what has happened. By the end of the month, when the great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger are in Leo and your solar fifth house, you're completely spaced out from smoking sheep dung but you've also written the first draft of a book entitled The Meaning of Sheep & the Search for Ovinity. It documents the extraordinary story of your recent epiphany, or, at least, the parts of it you think make you look good. Nothing changes that much, does it, rambunctious! Baa!