Astrology on the Web - Bitter Aries

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for September 2001
BITTER ARIES...

Bright red greetings, raging rambunctious ones! How are your thick fleeces, your even thicker skulls and your abhorrent little horns? May the scourge of September bring you all you deserve and more! Remember, little ram type persons! All of those you've hurt await you in the lowest of the seventeen hells, eager no doubt to take their revenge upon you because of your selfish cruelty.

A daunting prospect, you cry! It certainly is! The more so as the number of such victims is doubtless well beyond the number of fingers and toes (generally the limit of your mathematical abilities) that you possess. Thus for you they will be countless! Think of that little gem while you're searching out your next moment of desperate pleasure, wrenched doubtless in the heat of the moment from some innocent bystander who was unable to escape your fiery clutches. Oh, but I forgot myself! You've changed! You've taken on a new mission and put aside all carnal and libidinous concerns as you crusade for the freedom of sheep across the globe. That'll last!

Mercury the messenger moves into Libra as the scourge of September gets underway. You'll be full of yourself (as usual) and telling everyone who'll listen (that's almost nobody unless you threaten them) how wonderful you are for giving up your life (such as it is) to this noble ovine quest. Because the messenger is in your solar seventh house, those you speak with may wish to reply but you'll simply ignore that as you always do.

The fun really begins when the FULL MOON comes in the sign of Pisces and your solar twelfth house. You smoke a particularly large quantity of odious sheep dung so as to prepare yourself for the path of revolutionary zeal that lies ahead, thus writing yourself off for several days. As the great Sol Invicti wrestles with underworld Pluto and sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward from September 4th, you rage around your bucolic retreat in a demented state, finally collapsing in exhaustion, raving and babbling about the revenge you will take upon this tedious and misguided world. But, as mighty Mars moves into Capricorn and your solar tenth house, a mysterious rash appears on your head and face. You decide to visit a medical practitioner. This is a rare event. Normally you retire to bed for a week of babyish complaint on getting a cold, but simply ignore anything more serious. But this effects your looks, you walking ram-type vanities! You find the rash is a consequence of all the sheep dung you've been smoking. However, as giant Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens is also wrestling with Mercury the messenger in Libra and your solar seventh house, you roll up more dung to anaesthetize your misery and get the doctor (she/he is there with you on a home visit) stoned as well. Strangely, the rash gets worse, but you're so busy having sex with the doctor (who is now also in a demented state - hence the sex - and developing the rash), you don't really notice.

Mid month, giant Jupiter dances with underworld Pluto and the Sheep Mother returns to you in a dream, urging you to focus on your quest to liberate the sheep of the world and exact revenge on a callous humanity in her name. As well as that, Venus the goddess wrestles with revolutionary Uranus and your publishers begin to pressure you with regard to the second book. It's time for action, rambunctious!

When the NEW MOON comes on September 17th, you begin once more to cleanse body and spirit in preparation for the campaign of terror as well as beginning to work on your new book, Mad Sheep Disease. Then, on the moment of the EQUINOX, the great Sol Invicti moves into Libra and your solar seventh house, squaring the Lunar Nodes. You eject the demented doctor from your bed and home and take an oath of chastity till the campaign achieves its goal of revenge and the spirit of the Sheep Mother is appeased. Yet another beginning, little horny abhorrences! Let's see if you can create a middle and an end to follow it. In the meantime, I retire to my shadowy retreat amidst gales of jaundiced and cynical laughter.