Astrology on the Web - Caustic Capricorn

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for March 2002
CAUSTIC CAPRICORN...

Snakes alive, little horny goats! It's time to stoke the fires in your nether regions as we move into the month of miserable March. And thus, if the rumours of your sexual prowess are true, then all the misery may be on the other side of the bed as you bearded wretches get about the business of relations, connubial or concupiscent.

And what is the reason for this libidinous lather, I hear you ask? Why it's mighty Mars in Taurus and your solar fifth house, of course, bringing a touch of the rambunctious to the otherwise more sedate behaviour that is characteristic of your genitalia. There could be flirtation upon flirtation and even the odd illegitimate child with the passing of time (nine months to be precise). However, if sex doesn't call you, then you may be drawn to make risky speculations or investments, gamble excessively, get involved with cattle races, fight with male heirs or take up the art of sculpture. However, you still have a religious crisis to deal with regard to last month's developments so quake and tremble in your goatish boots as I hereby utter my vile and bitter prognostications for the month of miserable March.

Giant Jupiter moves forward early in the piece so that partners and close associates will doubtless travel overseas, taking religious orders or academic postings to escape your presence as well as the current level of sexual attention that you're giving them. As well as these entirely predictable developments, men and women of the cloth are now avowed enemies. The great Sol Invicti wrestles with underworld Pluto and covert agents of the cloister spread malicious gossip about your cold and grasping nature among neighbours and siblings, all of which is readily believed because, generally, most such stories about you are true. Mercury the messenger conjoins with revolutionary Uranus in Aquarius and your solar second house, bringing reversals in money matters, adding fuel to the fire of gossip as the messenger then moves into Pisces and your solar third house. With Venus the goddess now in Aries squaring giant Jupiter, you decide to redecorate your apartment as everyone close to you has left and, thus, there's no one that you can control anymore apart from a bevy of gay but irritable interior designers.

The NEW MOON comes in Pisces and your solar third house, squaring underworld Pluto, causing everyone around you to shun your company by placing you in a cone of silence. As mighty Mars clashes with mystic Neptune, you discover that your masseuse is having an affair with your accountant and the two of them are embezzling monies from you and giving them to the church as they both have strong religious convictions. Come the Equinox, the great Sol Invicti moves into Aries, creating tension with giant Jupiter while Mercury the messenger wrestles with underworld Pluto. The scandal and gossip now reaches such a fever pitch that it comes to the ears of your father through the endless whining of siblings. Your father then rings you and threatens to come to your apartment with his cases, move in with you and make your life a misery until he dies in the final stages of a mysterious wasting disease he contracted while on an economic commission in Sweden. This is all too much, even for you.

At the FULL MOON in Libra and your solar tenth house, you relent, making a full confession of your sins and promising to restore the property to its rightful owners, the church. As Mercury the messenger moves into Aries, you find yourself in heated debate with religious persons, disgruntled family members and several highly emotional representatives of the legal profession. Thus we leave you in the maelstrom, trying to sort out the mess but still secretly wondering if you can make any money out of appearing to give everything back. Click here next month and see, little goatish types!