Astrology on the Web - Loathesome Leo

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for February 2002
LOATHESOME LEO...

Greetings, you fiery little feline twerps! I expect you've been waiting for the whole of last month with bated breath to hear of the upcoming tragic fate that will batter your miserable lives as a consequence of your various marital entanglements. It's all passion, drama and matters of the heart with you furry nitwits, isn't it! Oh well! What's a little karma between well-matched imbeciles like yourselves and, indeed, any other member of the tedious wheel of animals known as the Zodiac? It's no more irritating than breathing or ringing for room service. As you've come here to read the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of fatuous February, I suppose I'll have to feign some interest in the matter and just get on with them. Stand back, pusillanimous pussies! I hereby prognosticate!

With giant Jupiter in Cancer opposing Chiron the wounded healer in Capricorn as the month gets underway, it's not marital relations but health that presents the first major stumbling block on the path to that idyllic life you're always so foolishly seeking. You know that life! It's the one where everyone agrees with you and praises your hair and clothing while you sit around eating and drinking without putting on any weight and saying witty and humorous things that make everyone laugh. I expect it's the influence of mystic Neptune that is causing you to indulge too freely in the use of drugs and thus drift into this absurd dream world of yours. If you take the cure and change your diet, these utterly unlikely fantasies may well cease. On the other hand they may not. If you find someone who cares either way, do let me know.

As Mercury the messenger now moves back into the sign of Capricorn and your solar sixth house, continuing the reverse motion cycle, you damage your digital extremities doing daily exercises and experience communication problems with co-workers. However, change is afoot, little feline twerps! As Venus the goddess conjoins with revolutionary Uranus, you suddenly meet someone else you really like and start to wonder if you actually want to get married again. Then, as both Mercury and sober Saturn begin moving forwards, your fingers get better (allowing you to return to your normal daily exercise) and you begin to question if running a brothel is actually your true heart's desire. Surely you should be adored for your self and not just because you pay people to give you attention?

Come the meeting NEW MOON and revolutionary Uranus in Aquarius and your solar seventh house, you decide to make a new start with the way you relate to people, especially those close to you. As Mercury moves back into Aquarius, you start talking to people you know in an affable and detached manner. They presume you're unwell and recommend a variety of medical specialists. As Venus the goddess (now in Pisces) squares sober Saturn while the great Sol Invicti enters the sign of the fishes, harmonizing with Chiron, you start taking steps towards the realization of your new goal. You begin seeing a psychotherapist to help you with a new process of communication that will allow you to listen as well as talk (we discussed this early last year). As Mercury the messenger wrestles with giant Jupiter and then conjoins with mystic Neptune, you weep and wail for days over some tragic hidden secrets from your past and then find yourself suddenly capable of amiable discussion with all and sundry. Great Heavens, little feline nitwits! This could well be a 'new you'! What do you think? You then throw over your emotional attachments from the past and fall passionately in love with a mortician who believes in reincarnation (Venus in Pisces in your solar eighth house wrestling with underworld Pluto in your solar fifth). As the great Sol Invicti tests sober Saturn, you sell the brothel, renouncing all your connections there, and buy a funeral parlour to be with the new love of your life.

Come the FULL MOON in Virgo and your solar second house, you discover how much money there is to be made in the business of death and withdraw into a private world of corpses and fatal attraction. Will it last, furry nitwits? Who cares? Why you do, of course! So please, click here next month for the next installment of this unmitigated drivel.