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EVASIVE AQUARIUS...	—Asperitus Signs— Asperitus Speaks Nhill, holy city Aries Asp (March/April) Taurus Asp (April/May) Gemini Asp (May/June) Cancer Asp (June/July) Leo Asp (July/Aug) Virgo Asp (Aug/Sept) Libra Asp (Sept/Oct) Scorpio Asp (Oct/Nov) Sagittarius Asp (Nov/Dec) Capricorn Asp (Dec/Jan) Aquarius Asp (Jan/Feb) Pisces Asp (Feb/Mar)
The Jittery Journeys of January 2004

Ho to you, airhead nitwits! May the coming year bring you all you have deserved by dint of your idiot contributions to the world so far.

Venus conjoins nasty Neptune in your sign as the year begins so you will doubtless adopt a ludicrous style of dress, have your hair cut in a peculiar manner and fall in love with a religious eccentric or a pathological liar. With lugubrious Saturn in Cancer and your solar sixth house, you will have health problems involving a malfunction of the knees or a disorder of the body fluids.

You will take work in Scotland where, with jolly Jupiter in Virgo and your solar eighth house, you will become involved in running houses of prostitution or a fraudulent occult teaching group. You will however profit immensely from such ventures. With the more than considerable profits, you will finance a Scottish revival of the musical 'Hair', calling it 'Hairrrrrr'. This will feature a new version of a classic song, re-titled 'The Age of Och- Quarius'! This will become an instant global hit and start a fashion in backless kilts and incense with a malt whiskey aroma for which you alone will have the merchandising rights.

You will make so much money that, when jolly Jupiter moves into Libra and your solar ninth house, you will travel the world having fabulous adventures and seeking a cure for the irritating creak in your knees. Ta! Ta for now!

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