Astrology on the Web - Crabby Cancer

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for February 2002
CRABBY CANCER...

Fatuous February salutes you and so do I, little atrocities of sea and sand! How are all the shells on your beach this month? Have you counted them and calculated their value? Can you use them to buy food and drink to fill the giant refrigerator that pulses like a beating heart beneath the sanctified bosom of home and family?

Great heavens, little seaside tragedies! I've completely forgotten the plot, haven't I? Your family has left you because you're stingy and they hate you, and you're now sitting bereft in your empty domicile, about to be dispossessed because you've been fleeced by a bunch of spiritual sharks. Oh well! Don't despair! Things could always be worse. Relatives could visit! Your alcoholic in-laws (Pisces on the cusp of the ninth house) might come calling! Or that garrulous aunt on your mother's side might ring you up and bore you with the details of her nervous condition (Gemini on the cusp of the twelfth house). Either that or your previous poor health could return.

What's that you say? You're not feeling so well! You see! I warned you that things could get worse. Never mind! And never mind this tedious drivel either. Let us be about the business of fatuous February and the vile and bitter prognostications thereof.

In addition to being at home, bereft and broke, you were holding the keys to the gun rack and liquor cabinet, trying to decide which one to put to use. In the end, you opt for both by deciding to get drunk and then blow your brains out. Que'l horreur, little nitwits of the nipper! Don't say we're to lose you forever! Oh how could that be? However, while you are only part way to a suitably inebriated state, one of your eccentric new age friends (you know, the kind of hanger-on you accumulated at the peak of the Dolphinsong experience) comes knocking at you door. You're invited to a shamanic workshop, a weekend of spiritual nonsense that will take you into the realms of the otherworld and qualify you for yet another kind of lunacy beside the singing sea creatures in which you already specialize.

As Mercury the messenger moves back into Capricorn and your solar seventh house (and also because you're plastered), you consent to this companionable offering. But, with Venus the goddess conjoining with revolutionary Uranus, you have to pull a fast financial fiddle to meet the exorbitant fees.

When the NEW MOON comes in Aquarius while Venus the goddess moves into Pisces and your solar ninth house, you set out with a companion and a second mortgage, ready to explore the mysteries of the shamanic world. This you will do under the guidance of a teacher called Black Wing or Red Tooth who lives in some godforsaken remote location. However, as Mercury the messenger moves back into Aquarius while you're still on the plane, you find yourself sober, wondering what you're doing and worrying about your excessive debts.

When Venus the goddess squares sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, you disembark from your flight to be greeted by an evil-smelling individual of indeterminate sex whom you discover is actually called Black Tooth for fairly obvious reasons. With no more time than it takes to shake your hand, take your credit card and hand you an evil-smelling blanket, you find yourself hustled into the wilds by this mysterious personage as the great Sol Invicti enters Pisces. After walking for what seems like hundreds of kilometres (because it is), you come to an ancient burial ground as Mercury the messenger conjoins with mystic Neptune in your solar eighth house. Here, Black Tooth asks you to lie down and go to sleep to dream what he or she (still unknown) calls the ancient dream of the little death. As you're exhausted, you oblige though in a somewhat sulky and resentful fashion. In a moment you're asleep and dreaming. In your dreams, the spirit of one of an ancient psychic sea traveller with a serious lymphatic condition (Venus in Pisces squaring Pluto) comes and speaks with you. She explains that this burial ground is poisoned by radiation from a nuclear holocaust that occurred there in the time of Atlantis. Only the spirit of Dolphinsong can clear the ground, she says, thus urging you to give up your angst and neurosis and return to your spiritual work as a channel to the dolphin energies.

As the FULL MOON comes in the sign of Virgo and your solar third house, challenging the great Sol Invicti in Pisces, you awake from this awesome journey. You're filled with evangelistic light and immediately sit up and begin singing the songs of Dolphinsong. Your fellow shamanic students gather round you in wonder. Even Black Tooth looks on with an open-mouthed (if somewhat ghastly) glee. You're back on track, little nitwits of the nipper. There is a spirit to be channelled and money to be made. Onward and hurrah! Come back next month and see what a mess you can make of it all this time.