Astrology on the Web - Crabby Cancer

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for December 2001
CRABBY CANCER...

Great heavens, little crab-type things! It’s that time of the month again, time for a dose of vile and bitter prognostications. Roll on deleterious December!

The FULL MOON sweeps you into the van of this appalling month by disporting herself in fatuous Gemini and your solar twelfth house, thus making things miserable in Sagittarius and your solar sixth house for the great Sol Invicti. Women secretly plot against you. Civil Servants and Fire Department employees snigger at you in offices and on the streets. And, your health suffers badly due to thigh injuries and acute liver problems.

And, as if all that isn’t enough, when Venus the goddess moves into the sign of Sagittarius and your solar sixth house, you can add a kidney ailment and religious disputes among the staff employed in the Dolphinsong Empire.

Then, as Mercury the messenger and the great Sol Invicti make trouble with sober Saturn and underworld Pluto by turns, you’re accosted in the streets. A fanatical stranger of Hungarian origin who claims to be the reincarnation of James the Apostle upbraids you for degrading your spiritual powers by channelling a fish instead of connecting with the greater powers of the higher Heavens. You patiently explain that a dolphin is in fact a mammal. But, as he doesn’t listen, you knock him down and threaten to call the police if he accosts you again. As mighty Mars moves into Pisces and your solar ninth house, you decide to take up a water sport, despite the precarious condition of your health. However, as this involves drinking cocktails while waiting for a turn on the water-skis, tension between Venus the goddess and sober Saturn then sees your kidney trouble accelerate even further. Thus, disillusioned with your new fitness regime, you return home to find that with Chiron the wounded healer moving into Capricorn and your solar seventh house, partners and close associates are now unhappy with your behaviour and threaten to leave.

You invite them to do so, but when the NEW MOON comes in Sagittarius and your solar sixth house, bringing a solar eclipse, you collapse on the floor in excruciating pain and demand that someone looks after you. As they refuse to do it for love, you offer money. This seems to satisfy everyone at first. But when Mercury the messenger and the great Sol Invicti move into Capricorn in the wake of Chiron, you find you that, not only do you have to pay your nearest and dearest to minister to you, but also that you have to talk to them as well. They quibble and complain about your every request until they begin to sound a bit like yourself.

As mighty Mars wrestles with sober Saturn, you find that your health is declining and that you’re also losing your faith. 'Dolphinsong be damned!’ you’re heard to say out loud on a number of occasions. Then, as mighty Mars makes mayhem with underworld Pluto, a startling event occurs. The reincarnation of James the Apostle arrives at your door. He has declared a 'holy war’ against you. He surrounds your house with an army of hysterical Zealots. "Come out with your hands up, and bring the fish with you!" is the last thing you hear as you lapse into unconsciousness while your family stand around, demanding an increase in wages and danger money. What a tragic story, little crabs. This must be the worst Christmas for anyone, anywhere, ever! Ho hum!