Astrology on the Web - Loathesome Leo

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for October 2001
LOATHESOME LEO...

Greetings, little vacuous vanities! Ho to all you horrid hairdressing types! For some time (no longer than is necessary, of course), revolutionary Uranus and mystic Neptune have been reducing your partnership sector to a morass of shocking developments. There will have been reversals of fortune, perverse sexual experience, foolish romance, spiritual delusion, emotional and financial deceptions, and all of those sorts of things that supposedly make life worthwhile for the miserable wretches who inhabit this hovel of a world.

All of this will have made your life suitably tragic. But, it will also have given you a great deal of topical material for the conversations you have at parties that cause the rest of us to retire screaming with boredom to some remote corner of the house while pleading for the location of the nearest firearm or blunt instrument. So, how will all of this proceed as the month of odious October unfolds? Let me tell you, little hair gel protuberances!

Since the month of awful August (surely you remember that far back), sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, and underworld Pluto have been wreaking havoc by wrestling from their respective corners in your solar eleventh and fifth houses. You will have probably lost all your friends (except the ones too old and weak to run), had your hopes and dreams shattered, fought with your children and obsessed over sex. You may have also looked on helplessly while your elderly aunt, the one with the serious nerve condition, broke off her marriage to your uncle, the one with the gambling addiction. Oh well! Life's like that sometimes! Now, odious October begins and the dreaded Saturn and Pluto prepare to go through the same dance all over again, but this time coming from different directions.

The month gets away to a bright and breezy start as Venus the goddess squares underworld Pluto, ensuring you will have to spend money hushing up the person in the purser's office with whom you had an affair to while away the hours aboard your cruise ship. Then Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in Libra and your solar eleventh house, ensuring that she/he tells everyone anyway, and as the FULL MOON comes on October 2nd, your spouse's relatives hear about it and urge her/him to contact the family lawyers. This takes place as mighty Mars in Capricorn opposing giant Jupiter in Cancer so the shipboard workers have heard of your 'back to the floor' scheme (an unfortunate cover story for your impecunious circumstances), taken umbrage and threatened strike action. Meanwhile, as Venus the goddess squares sober Saturn the next day, your friends tell you they will no longer associate with you. This is not because of the affair or the 'back to the floor' nonsense, but rather because they're unable to look at your coiffure without laughing.

As the great Sol Invicti moves through a clash with both giant Jupiter and mighty Mars, you begin to form secret mutinous plans. You decide to seize control of your own ship and sail her to a land faraway where live those who will only love and praise your hair whilst listening patiently and sympathetically to your tales of personal tragedy. Actually, there is no such place but you've always lived in a fantasy world so what does it matter? On October 13th, as the great Sol Invicti conjoins with retrograde Mercury to jointly pressure mighty Mars, you make your way to the bridge with a pair of hairdressing scissors and a hand grenade made from an unstable mix of hair gel and setting lotion. However, as fate would have it, you run into a small group of seaman and ship's porters who fall into such a frenzy of laughter at your approach that you run back to your cabin in tears. You don't emerge till dinnertime (after all, a lion must eat) two days later as Venus the goddess moves into Libra. That night, little things of mane and claws, you have an appointment with destiny. Fate sends you to table with a disillusioned hairstylist who has taken the cruise to escape a tragic salon fire. You fall into deep converse over your sorrows.

By the NEW MOON of the next day, your locks are styled with an unparalleled magnificence and you are re-established amongst friends and disgruntled workers alike as the shaman of style and cool. What could trouble you now that you're back on top? Jealous rivalries, of course! As retrograde Mercury squares giant Jupiter, secret messages are passed from sea to land that this new doyen of hair is styling more than the locks on your pate. Come the entry of the great Sol Invicti into Scorpio and your solar fourth house and the direct movement of Mercury, things simmer at home as the ship comes to dock. You arrive at your door as mighty Mars the warrior moves into Aquarius and your solar seventh house of partnership. Welcome to World War Three, cretins of coiffure. See you next month!