Click to Find It Quick! Astro Blog Feature Articles Glossary Astrology Orders Daily Horoscope Weekly TeenScope Weekly LoveScope Monthly Horoscope Monthly Tarotscope Asperitus Speaks (Freaky!) Your Year Ahead AstroMatch Compatibility Sexuality by the Stars Relationships Relationship Analysis Soul Connection Your StarGuide Aries (March/April) Taurus (April/May) Gemini (May/June) Cancer (June/July) Leo (July/Aug) Virgo (Aug/Sept) Libra (Sept/Oct) Scorpio (Oct/Nov) Sagittarius (Nov/Dec) Capricorn (Dec/Jan) Aquarius (Jan/Feb) Pisces (Feb/Mar) The Horoscope Your Birthsign Astrological Signs The Elements The Houses Planets & Aspects The Zodiac Order Readings Feature Articles Science of Cosmic Oneness Mercury Retrograde Mars Retrograde Venus Retrograde Moon's Nodes Zodiac Zodiac Symbols Zodiac Gemstones Planets Fixed Stars Eclipse Your Rising Sign About Astrology What is Astrology? Is Astrology Scientific? Astrology & Astronomy How Astrology Works Astrology & Relationships Astrology & Health The Energy Doctor Environmental Stress The Energy Egg The Love Egg The Wealth Egg Creative Mandalas Protective Symbols Ayurveda Gemstones of the Zodiac Healing Power of Gems Hidden Magic of Gems Celtic Fire Festivals The Solstice The Equinox Easter Christmas Imbolc April Fool May Day Mothers Day Chinese New Year Valentines Day Lady Day Midsummer St John's Day Candlemas Lammas Harvest Home Michaelmas Halloween Diwali Yule Gospel of Grandpa Numerology Numerology Cards Runes Rune Magic Feng Shui Chinese Zodiac Naadi-Shastra Yoga Human Aura Glossary Orders Site Map About Us Home Page

PATHETIC PISCES...	—Asperitus Signs— Asperitus Speaks Nhill, holy city Aries Asp (March/April) Taurus Asp (April/May) Gemini Asp (May/June) Cancer Asp (June/July) Leo Asp (July/Aug) Virgo Asp (Aug/Sept) Libra Asp (Sept/Oct) Scorpio Asp (Oct/Nov) Sagittarius Asp (Nov/Dec) Capricorn Asp (Dec/Jan) Aquarius Asp (Jan/Feb) Pisces Asp (Feb/Mar)
The Jittery Journeys of April 2004

Greetings, fish-faced miseries! Awkward April beckons and I am here again to open the lid on the box of vile and bitter prognostications.

Last month we left you building a sanctuary to venerate the art of the headstand and the work of your teacher in that venerable discipline. This time, what do we find? Mischievous Mercury plods through leaden Taurus and the work continues. Vamping Venus enters Gemini and your new home is filled by relatives who’ve returned to the fold in the hope of sponging off you now that you’re successful once again.

The Full Moon comes in fatuous Libra and you begin to agonize about the money being spent to finance this vast undertaking. However, several days of assiduous inverted devotion gives you the relief you need. As good as this is, it’s not enough, my little sad-eyed fishes! Mischievous Mercury now turns retrograde and the building program starts to look shaky as confusion and poor planning dogs the enterprise. Great gods alive and dead, is it all to fall from your nerveless fingers yet again?

Vamping Venus clashes with lunatic Uranus and your relatives begin fighting and drinking, making mayhem in what is to be your new home. Cranky Chiron clashes with the great Sol Invicti and mischievous Mercury and your stress drives you into harsh words and even rows with your teacher over the financial situation. Even the headstand won’t seem to save you from creeping stress.

A New Moon in arrogant Aries brings a solar eclipse and you decide to run away from the whole plan (a time-honoured strategy of yours) and hide all the unpaid bills in the hope they will be forgotten. The great Sol Invicti enters Taurus and you run about the streets, upright, unfocused and wondering what to do. Marauding Mars clashes with underworld Pluto and, as your relatives busily attempt to murder one other with blunt instruments or rolled up newspapers, you flee to a bushland setting and hide in a peaceful grove of trees.

As vamping Venus follows the same path with the underworld god, you decide to make your home there. You quickly flip into an artful headstand and decide to drink in the beauties of nature from the inverted position. You swear to never leave but become a hermit of the forest.

Will this bucolic serenity last? We shall see, little fish-faced miseries! Click here next time for a further sad and tragic chapter in the appalling tale of your tear-stained life.

Click to email Asperitus!

• Click to tell your friends about this page!