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SCATHING SCORPIO...	—Asperitus Signs— Asperitus Speaks Nhill, holy city Aries Asp (March/April) Taurus Asp (April/May) Gemini Asp (May/June) Cancer Asp (June/July) Leo Asp (July/Aug) Virgo Asp (Aug/Sept) Libra Asp (Sept/Oct) Scorpio Asp (Oct/Nov) Sagittarius Asp (Nov/Dec) Capricorn Asp (Dec/Jan) Aquarius Asp (Jan/Feb) Pisces Asp (Feb/Mar)
The Eccentric Exigencies of April 2007

Ave arachnidæ! Your erotic aerials are no doubt swivelling as Moronic Mars marches into pathetic Pisces, but alas, the Master has declined to comment so far on your execrable fates. Despite appearances, this is not merely a tasteless April Fool's Day prank. Return at your leisure to discover your dubious destinies...