Astrology on the Web - Tiresome Taurus

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for February 2002
TIRESOME TAURUS...

Salutations, nasty little bullish things! How goes everything in the kingdom of the blockheads? We left you last month throwing in your lot with the Belgian sea wasp and casting aside the trappings of life as an air steward/stewardess. All this after an odd and somewhat extraordinary experience as a hostage and sex slave. Revolutionary Uranus and mystic Neptune have certainly been sending you down strange and unusual roads in these past years.

Perhaps there's more of this lunatic nonsense to come, as long as I can get my prescriptions renewed on a regular basis. It may even seem, bullish nonentities that I, Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth, am taking an interest in your lives. Ah, say not so! Do try to remember! All is illusion in this benighted universe ruled by insane gods and therefore nothing is what it seems. Back to the sea wasp and on with the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of fatuous February.

As giant Jupiter in Cancer and your solar third house opposes Chiron the wounded healer in Capricorn and your solar ninth house, you are declared for the environment and ready to join forces with the group of foreign persons occupying your plane. As Mercury the messenger, still retrograde, moves back into Capricorn and your solar ninth house, dialogue with your new comrades quickly begins. But, as none of you can understand one another, the urgency of your recent impulses seems to fall away. The airline lackeys are stretched at your feet, the passengers are at your mercy, the terrorists who once held you captive are out of the equation, and so where are you? With mighty Mars in Aries and your solar twelfth house, you start thinking about fish and chips and sex with someone compatible (or at least compliant) on the sands of Brighton Beach. However, as Mercury and sober Saturn begin to move forward, the language problems begin to sort themselves out (not before time as the hostage situation has been going on for some weeks).

Then, as the NEW MOON comes in Aquarius, conjoining with revolutionary Uranus, you find that you have been elected leader of the revolutionary group, the foreign persons presuming you are the strong silent type as they don't realize you're just slow-witted and constantly fantasizing about sensual pleasures. With Mercury the messenger back in Aquarius and Venus the goddess now in Pisces and your solar eleventh house, you begin to lay your plans as to the next move. Given that you don't have any, you begin mumbling in the hope you will be able to quickly escape from what is becoming an increasingly messy position. Fortunately, everyone attributes your mumbling to language difficulties and they just keep nodding in the hope that someone else in the group is taking this in. A quick check of your pockets reveals you have no money, so you won't be able to flee to fish and chips or even pay for sex if you have to (and you often do).

As the great Sol Invicti moves into Pisces and Mercury the messenger struggles with giant Jupiter, you order your new cohorts to collect all the money being carried by the passengers. This they do eagerly. You siphon off a little of the takings for yourself, remembering to choose only local currency (let it never be said you're slow-witted about matters of cash in the hand). As Mercury then conjoins with mystic Neptune, you tell all your new comrades you will leave the aircraft in order to negotiate with the squadrons of authority and law enforcement agencies that have been surrounding the place for some weeks now. They bid you hail and farewell. However, the minute your feet touch the ground, you feign the identity of an escaping passenger, using a passport you secreted while the money was being collected. Under normal circumstances, this would pass as a clever plan for you but Venus the goddess and underworld Pluto conspire against you. Their tension puts the blight on your bright idea as you find you have assumed the identity of a known political zealot with a penchant for espionage.

The great Sol Invicti clashes with sober Saturn as the FULL MOON comes and you find yourself detained by a tyrannous police official who immediately orders a rectal search, followed by a full interrogation. So much for food and sex, little bulls! How will you talk your way out of this one? Click here next month and find out.