Astrology on the Web - Tiresome Taurus

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Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for March 2002
TIRESOME TAURUS...

Greetings to the bellowing bull necks! Ho to your great big bodies and tiny little brains! We live in a world of tragedy and unforeseen events, as you doubtless know, O creatures of horn and hoof. And thus, a temporary bout of sanity has delayed my vile and bitter prognostications on your wretched and futile existence. But now, all is restored to its customary state and so we shall charge ahead, down the remaining length of the corridor of miserable March.

Last month, we left you at the airport, caught in a snare of your own devising. Your use of a false passport now has you buttonholed as a master criminal and revolutionary, travelling the world to wreak havoc upon the forces of the establishment wherever you find them. What an irony! What could be further from the truth than this when all the average bovine needs is a simple mindset that allows the pursuit of a simple task, with, of course, a large meal and a measure of sensual gratification to follow. Still, as I said before, ours is a world of tragedy and unforeseen events, is it not! Now, as the first half of the month is nearly gone, we shall make do with a précis of recent events.

Mighty Mars in your own sweet sign will have made you bullish and randy in the extreme so you may well have been canvassing your interrogators for possible sex partners throughout the arduous process of your confinement. As giant Jupiter is now moving forward once again in Cancer and your solar third house, you will have been speaking with unprecedented eloquence and conferring with persons of a legal, political or religious background. And, with Mars and Jupiter in harmony, you will have also been making bold and courageous statements on the matter of your legal rights and demanding to be treated as a free and independent citizen of your land. As the great Sol Invicti tested underworld Pluto, there was no doubt that skilled and wily interrogators, trained in all the subtle workings of the human mind (an obvious mistake, on reflection), would have raked you over the coals of their scorching investigative powers. Alas! It was, predictably, all to no avail on their behalf, as they have not read any of the available material on the mental operations of the fixed sign in astrology. However, as Venus the goddess then moved into Aries and your solar twelfth house, you would doubtless have been spirited away to a detention centre. There you will have begun an affair with one of your captors in order to increase your food rations while the goddess then tested out giant Jupiter.

Come the NEW MOON in Pisces, unfolding in the Heavens as I write these words, you will be chafing at your circumstances and wishing, fruitlessly it must be said, that things are not the way they are. Mighty Mars is set to increase your woes as he clashes with mystic Neptune. You will thus be drugged or stabbed by secret enemies. Or perhaps you may fall victim to delusions while in a state of distress or cut yourself while shaving.

Perhaps an irritable guard will strike you on the head. Actually, all of these may well occur and thus you'll be hospitalized as a consequence. As the great Sol Invicti moves into Aries and your solar twelfth house, heading for tension with giant Jupiter, we find you in a bed of woe, weeping into your bowl of tasteless gruel (the tears do nothing for the flavour) and bemoaning your tragic fate. However, the serious mistake would be to believe that anybody cares, apart from a bevy of aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters who wrestle with your outstanding financial obligations as Mercury the messenger wrestles with underworld Pluto. After all, you have been away some time now, in the context of this unmitigated drivel that I write. But what's this! Great Heavens, little bovine types! It's worse than I thought and better than I could have hoped for!

The FULL MOO in Libra and your solar sixth house brings a rapid decline in your health. Perhaps it's the drugs! Perhaps it's the stress! Perhaps it's just my wicked invention. But, as Mercury the messenger moves into Aries and your solar twelfth house, delirium sets in and you lapse into coma. There you are, little oxen persons, at the mercy of a foreign power, under the care of ruthless interrogators and in the snare of a false identity. How will your nearest and dearest be notified should the worst come to the worst? Oh, what an awful thought! I must rest now. The drugs are wearing off.