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CRABBY CANCER...	 —Asperitus Signs— Asperitus Speaks Nhill, holy city Aries Asp (March/April) Taurus Asp (April/May) Gemini Asp (May/June) Cancer Asp (June/July) Leo Asp (July/Aug) Virgo Asp (Aug/Sept) Libra Asp (Sept/Oct) Scorpio Asp (Oct/Nov) Sagittarius Asp (Nov/Dec) Capricorn Asp (Dec/Jan) Aquarius Asp (Jan/Feb) Pisces Asp (Feb/Mar)
  The Jaded Japes of July 2008 Â

Hail to you, my tiny seafood morsels! You'll have to take care in traffic with marauding Mars in vexatious Virgo. Plainly dressed persons will yell at you or throw things with painful accuracy while nasty motorists will attempt to shine your shoes with their spinning wheels. Business associates will be aggressive or irritatingly methodical.

As the New Moon then comes in your sign, you will dress like a loon, design a new brassiere or start a restaurant in a bus. You'll get your lawyer drunk or pay to have people perform peculiar sexual acts on your person. You'll trade in your car and buy a tank after that, driving through the crowds and pushing smaller cars into the gutter. You'll argue with your boss, quit your job and start a lecture tour, telling people what it's like to drive a tank and how it feels to crush things that get in your way. You'll start a secret affair and embezzle money. You'll write a book called ZEN AND THE ART OF TANK DRIVING, making you a fortune as most people are idiotic enough to read such twaddle.

As a Full Moon comes in Capricorn, people that know you well will yell at you or get excited in your presence. You may get married or divorced. The great Sol Invicti rolls and crashes into lackwit Leo and you find yourself counting out little piles of coins so you can buy lunch at a favourite cafe. You'll have secret sex, make fiscal plans with an occultist and encourage an ex-partner to buy a tank too so you can both play 'wars'. People in banks will talk to you far too much so that you start a class in black magic to learn to silence them with a spell. However, this doesn't work, but you do end up paying your occultist teacher a lot of money for sex.

Wonderful as all this may seem, it will get even worse next time. Click here and see. Ave!

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